Chalk-Board Philosophy

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Where in the world would we be without hipster coffee shops? I’d be lost without rustic interiors, supercool artwork and rows of wooden shelves loaded with a bamboozling array of coffee-making tools and bags of beans roasted on-site by one of the effortlessly attractive staff members.

Coffee Shop by Jazmin Quaynor

Pic by Jazmin Quaynor

And no trendy neighbourhood would be complete without a few chalk-boards on the sidewalk to provide light humour and, of course, to draw coffee lovers’ attention to the location of their next short, sharp espresso. But I confess, this is one aspect of the coffee culture that sometimes upsets me.

A lot of the chalk-board phrases are original and witty, and occasionally inspiring. In most cases I find myself smiling and nodding in agreement as I stroll past. A few of the better once I’ve read include –

  • Life Happens. Coffee Helps

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  • Depresso: The feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee

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Poster available here.

And my all-time favourite, a poem I’m sure you’ve all read –

  • Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, everyone shut up, coffee.

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Oh, how I laughed when I read it on a grim, rainy morning in Edinburgh.

But every now and again I read a message on a chalk-board that makes me want to grab a wet cloth and rub, rub, rub until it disappears from sight. Why?

They’re not funny. They’re simply not true. They’re clichés. They’re grammatically incorrect. They make me feel nauseous. And again, they’re just not funny.

For example –

  • Better Latte Than Never
  • Coffee Is A Hug In A Mug
  • Coffee…because adulting is hard
  • My birth stone is a coffee bean

And possibly the worst one I’ve ever read –

  • Pilates? I thought you said Pie and Lattes

That last one makes me want to weep, but I have to ask…does anybody out there know of a worse coffee quote? If so, please let The Coffee Universe know so we can properly prepare ourselves.

But let’s look on the bright side. No matter what, I still have my coffee and as we all know, a lot of those clichés phrases speak the truth, especially this one. Coffee will fix everything.